When The Birds Fly The Nest

last updated Friday 9th September 2011 - 09:59

Rosalie Marsh

Rosalie Marsh aclaimed writer of hilarious biographical travels as well as personal development has written her view on becoming an empty nester and how to embrace this period in your life. Superb advice and thoughts that makes you want to go and grab a slice - Enjoy !

With a lot of tweeting and twittering as they send messages across the trees, birds get busy gathering twigs and leaves and fly off to a secret place. It is nest building time girls.

Deep in sheltered hedgerows and high in trees where the birds can keep a look out for marauders, birds build their nest, lay their eggs, and look after their chicks. As the sun rises in the sky, they have to learn to fly. It is time to go out, be big birds, and fend for themselves. Sometimes, a timid one has to be ousted out and forced to fly, but fly they do. They can’t stay in the nest forever.

All at once, the nest is empty. Mother and father bird wonder what to do. They feel a little lost. For so long they have put their chicks first and only flown where they could take them as well. Then with a lot of tweeting and twittering, they realise that now, they can do whatever they want to. They could follow their little birds but they now have their own families. Still it is nice to go and visit to see their chicks on the annual get together before they migrate on the winter holiday to the sun.

No, I haven’t lost my marbles! Just an example of what it if feels like when the children leave home. That is, if you have no other interests of your own, either as a single parent or a couple.

This is your time girls (and boys). Time to do all those things that have been lurking in the background for years and bubbling on the back burner. Best of all; don’t wait until they leave home. Ease back gently and start to explore those pockets of creativity and development inside yourself which are waiting to escape.

When my children were growing up, I found like all of you, that time was scarce as the demands of home and family increased -yes, in their teens, demands changed and also expanded. You may find that you are, in fact, what is known as ‘the filling in the sandwich’. That is where you are at a time of your life when you should be enjoying yourself; but you have caring responsibilities on both sides. Growing children/teens and parents who need some extra help, so it isn’t easy. That is another subject but in reality, that situation makes it even more important that you ‘do something for you’. Before we were born, all our attributes where set into the pattern of our character. All our potential skills and qualities were there in that cluster of unique cells, which make us what we are, or could be.

Time then to explore. Let your children fly the nest. Let them grow and develop in their own space as they forge their way through life and raise their own families. Meantime, if you take the plunge and go to that pottery class, learn some new skills, learn to ride, settle into more reading, join a group or committee, you will find some of that lost confidence and remember that you are a person and have a right to a life.

Yes, families are important, but so are you. You may not have had the opportunities when you were younger which are available to youngsters today. When opportunities arise, grasp them with both hands. Release your potential and develop your whole person -those facets of you that, until now, may have lain dormant.

I returned to work after a good number of years as a full-time Mum. I was brought up that that was how it was. Have a job in an office, get married, raise a family etc. Then one day, after some years of struggle, I declared that I wanted to go back and get the GCE’s which I didn’t get in school. My husband said, “Why not get a little part-time job. One you can come home and forget about. Let’s have some jam on the sandwich.” Well, I did that. A little part-time job in the local newsagents, then I got into direct selling, working a double glazing stand in stores and exhibitions. I don’t know what made me answer the advert. But, you know what? I found myself. I found that ‘this was me’. Eventually I moved into retail sales management where I soaked up all the product knowledge I needed, in order to be successful. I was top sales. I was achieving. Other parts of me were becoming fulfilled. My growing family were at home. I had a lot of demands on my time.

I was given the opportunity to study for some management and assessor qualifications. Doors of my mind opened. I found I was achieving things I never thought possible. My confidence increased, as I became my own person; not just ‘Mum’ with all the perceptions around that. Work patterns and roles changed and I moved onwards and upwards. Fortunately I had a supportive husband and, working as a team with both respecting the other, we forged on. I changed careers and worked in Adult Learning -taking skills and expertise out into the workplace to train employees in the skills they needed in their job roles. This was a rewarding role.

You see, in being fulfilled and respected for what we are and what we do, we are then able to allow our families to grow and develop -and support them in whatever way they need. We are happier, confident, more satisfied, and more fulfilled. There were still some unfulfilled dreams.

Travel was not common when I was growing up but I had long-held dreams of travel to see how people lived in other countries. I remember having a pack of playing cards with pictures of cities on the back. I still haven’t visited Istanbul but over the last 20 years, we were able to fly to destinations in the usual fashion. My husband was not keen on touring until one day he said:
‘I want a little bike, something I can tinker with. I have nothing to fiddle with’.
That was his outlet you see and hadn’t had motorbikes for many years.
‘ If you have a bike, will you travel across the countries we have flown over?’

So a deal was done. We got, not a little bike, but a huge 1500 Gold Wing touring bike. I had only ridden pillion for a short while after we married. (Parental judgement forbade it before then!) Andthen rode a Honda 70cc until I got fed up of trying to start it up. However, travel was on the horizon. No Sat Nav then. No Google Earth. I had a whale of a time sticking pins into maps. We joined the Gold Wing Owner’s Club of Great Britain.

Our lives changed forever. Friends complained that we were never in. Well, no!

We were off enjoying ourselves on our beautiful machine. One unexpected benefit was that colleagues and managers’ perceptions of me changed – it had changed somewhat when, with all the studying as they realised that advancing years did not mean that the grey matter was dying – now they looked at me in a new light. I was not ‘Miss Prim and Proper’ which was the image I somehow portrayed in my business clothes. I was a ‘biker’s chick’ as a colleague called me laughingly!

I was living life to the full as we pushed back the boundaries of our endurance and explored new horizons. As we pursued our own interest, our family were free to live their own lives without hindrance. Help was there of course -you don’t stop being a Mum. But this was our time, my time. I had a life. I was releasing and realising my potential as I developed my ‘whole person’.

And of course, children are only with you for a short time. Your husband or partner was with you before them and hopefully, will be with you after they have gone. Cherish that time. It is your time. You are entitled to a life. I once said to someone who complained that I was always off on holiday:

‘We will do what we can while we can, and then we are not saying, “if only”.’On reflection, in the light of developments over the last few years, you know what? I [we] are so glad that we did!

Just Us Two Travel Series

Just Us Two: Ned and Rosie’s Gold Wing Discovery.Winner 2010 International Book Awards

(Travel: Recreational).

Chasing Rainbows: with Just Us Two. ( The Sequel)

Lifelong Learning: Personal Effectiveness Guides

Lifelong Learning: A View from the Coalface.

Release Your Potential: Making Sense of Personal and Professional Development.

Future Releases

Island Interludes: Just Us Two Escape to the Sun.

The Long Leg of Italy: Just Us Two Explore the Diversity of Italy

Talking the Talk: Getting the Message Across.

Customer? What Customer? Some Basic Essentials in Customer Service.